The Buzz on Parents
You thought the kids were mean and cliquish…all of us (parents) are inevitably going to get into conflict with other adults about our children. Some things, like cliques, influence whether we go through problems well or badly.
The silent treatment. Whispered gossip. Cliques. For those who thought they’d left such torments behind in adolescence, becoming a parent can mean enduring them again.
Rosalind Wiseman, a 36-year-old educator whose 2002 best-seller Queen Bees and wannabees deconstructed the minefield that is middle school, has written Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads (Crown), a field guide for adults.
The book, published this month, explores the treacherous terrain of what she calls Perfect Parent World. It proposes techniques parents can use to navigate relationships with each other and with the teachers, coaches and counsellors who, the book’s ominous subtitle notes, can “make-or break-your child’s future.
Meet the intrusive “Hovercraft Mom’ and the “Starbucks and Sympathy” type whose solicitousness masks her true goal: intelligence-gathering. Fathers do not escape, particularly the Kingpin Dad, who’s used to calling the shots.
Wiseman translates coded messages parents use-like the fatuous “My biggest priority is my children”- and provides useful scripts for handling common problems: the control freaks who have commandeered the PTA, the bullying coach who refuses to play your child, the one-upping parent who asks what you’re doing to secure a place for your child in the gifted and talented programme-or at Harvard. Following are excerpts from a recent question-and-answer sesion with the author:
- What is Perfect Parent World?
- Who joins a mom clique and why?
- What is the Queen Bee Mom and the Kinpin Dad?
- How do baby boomer parents differ from Gen X parents in their attitudes toward conflict?
- What factors make it hard for parents to communicate with each others?
- What are the biggest mistakes parents make in dealing with other adults, such as teachers and coaches?
- When should parents confront each other?